I have tried everything! I have spent good money after bad money on products and programs. I think I am on to something very life changing right now and this is an on going journal. I will be finished when I post those photos of me looking the way I would like to look. Now that doesn't mean I am not enjoying the journey there. I am. Please read below.
On going self discovery:
Today is January 1 2016. I find myself weighing about 20 pounds less than in October.
It happened as a result of being ill and in the hospital, so I am not sure how to "brag" about that.
However, it was a strong intention to loose weight (at least 5 pounds a month). I remember prior to getting sick, I did weigh and had lost a few pounds in early November.
Then I had a dental extraction and a cold that turned into bronchitis. They put me on prednisone to calm my inflamed bronchioles. As many people know, that can cause weight gain and fluid retention. In the hospital I had gained weight. It wasn't until I got home that I noticed a huge drop.
I believe that cheap carbohydrates, and meat, and lack of raw vegetables are the cause of diabetes two. We worry about the epidemic of diabetes in this country and it is equal to being a third world country, we are malnutrition. Striped of complete sugars and complete carbohydrates and complete minerals and salts. Food is not "whole" anymore.
This month I plan to just do some self-care and eat well.
I will see what that looks like when I weigh in February.
Today is October 16th. I feel very happy and I am experiencing better energy. I think that is more significant than getting on a scale. I do want to see that scale move down too. My goal is 5 pounds a month. And I am asking my body, mind and spirit to help prove my theory this month.
For this month (Oct 16th thru Nov 16th) I will try this and see if I can get past my resistance: Keep a "good energy" record for each day (measured by likert scale) and, Did I connect with my Higher Power each day (check mark each day) and weigh once a week (record weight). Those are the measurable ways I can see and say, this works. Self- Efficacy is important as I learn to be a manifestor. I have one of those Calendars that you get for free. They make excellent special goal visualizers. Today I am going to vision board my free calendar. And allow it to track the three things I want to track. Notice I am not creating a food dairy and doing portion control nor am I tracking exercise. I am really realizing that with my emotional eating patterns, this doesn't work for me. All my life, I feel like I have been putting out fires. I have moved from one drama to the next and used food as comfort and self-validation. I would also experience guilt when on another diet and then slipping from it. This feels better in the way that I am "conscious" in a positive partnership with all of me. So let's see how it plays out. I am anxious to "weigh in" next month.
My reason for weight loss.
Present reasons to desire a 5 pound a month weight loss: I feel stuck in yesterday's fat suit and it feels heavy and moving around feels cumbersome. I really feel my back and joints will be relieved and helped by this gradual loss. Of course I will be able to find clothes I really like and look better in them as I emerge and transform. That feels like the icing on the cake and it will come.
Today: September 16. I do Richard Simmons Sweatin to the Oldies. I am less resistant to doing part of it than all of it. I have decided to dance to two or three songs and have fun with it. I do 15 minutes of Yoga stretches afterwards. Would it surprise you to know that the Yoga will probably yield more results? The low impact dancing elevates my heart rate a bit and also warms up my body for the Yoga. I accidently lost weight when I took a Yoga class. Over the course of 6 months I dropped 15 pounds. My reason for being in that class was stress. I had a stressful job. Yoga removes stress and we know that cortisol causes bad eating and retaining weight around the middle. Another time I lost an unexpected 10 pounds was on a vacation. I was having way too much fun. Usually people gain weight on a vacation. When I went to California for a conference, the people I was with ate lots of carbs. They stopped at Dairy Queen for Sundaes. As Americans we celebrate with carbs. When we went out to dinner, I ate healthy like a salad and salmon. And once I had a margarita. I also had the best "raw" taco ever. It was made with taco seasoned nut meats on a cabbage leaf with a mango salsa on top of shredded kale. Generally I would say cut way down on dairy, however; butter is better than margarine. Lightly and gently curb yourself from bread and high carbs. Even though your energetic state matters more, there is so much scientist evidence that says it clogs us up and is just bad nutrition. What is more important is people who drink diet soda and have baked chips with sour cream dip while watching TV are also filling up on empty carbs. We need nutrients to be healthy, at least logic would say. The bible says "we do not live by bread alone". That says so much about the emotional and energetic fuel we as humans require. There are people who have lived without food in the Himalayan mountains. In short, my revelation today is this: I have lost more weight having fun and distressing than I did when on low carb diets. Vacations and celebrations can make me sick if I don't eat good healthy things for me. My body seems to know what it really wants as long as I don't get too hungry, therefore healthy snacking is good. Healthy snacks contain some protein and live energy, like apple slices with peanut butter, or tzatziki cucumber yogurt dip with rice crackers. I have even used tzatziki as a dip for cucumbers and carrots and it was so yummy. Another not bad choice is my vitamin smoothie. I add Tangy Tangerine powder (chock full of minerals and essential vitamins) to some orange juice, add a banana, strawberries and vanilla protein powder (Aloha Brand) ice and blend it. I share it with my son. It boost my energy in a good way. If I load up on Twinkies I won't have room for what really fuels my body. When people go too long between meals, or try and starve themselves, then they will grab easy things to fill up on. It really does work to have a menu plan...again more of a loose suggestion instead of an order...to self. When I go shopping I make sure that I have good choices. Also I have been catching myself when I am a self-critic about my body. I was sitting with a group of thin professional women and they wore high heels too. I was comparing myself and feeling fat, frumpy and underdressed, My energy and happiness quotient started to drop and I started to disengage from conversation. My sparky Nancy self just shrunk. I did notice this going on. I go to that place far too easily. It is a very chronic habit. I call it a victory to see the mechanisms that drags me down so I am aware enough to do some pulling back up. When in a place like that, I have to reaffirm that I like me the way I am. But do I believe it? At least I say to myself, there are so many good aspects and abilities I have and the body is adjusting and shifting all the time. I guess those are my important revelations today.
Today I found some unusual reasons to be heavy. For some of us who feel like the rug was pulled out beneath our feet a few times as I did in childhood. Then there may be a need to ground ourselves with our weight. I love my family however dysfunctional. I don't blame the players as much as the world view or beliefs they bought into (now that is a bit of "weighty" thought.) My upbringing was a complicated mess to survive. I deserve a medal for making it through all that crazy stuff. Our group family karma must out do the most dramatic soap opera shows. Sometimes food might represent the love that was missing. Anyway: Bashar speaks of various psychological reasons for putting on weight and being unable to shed it. It really hit home for me and perhaps it will strike a chord with my readers as well. See what you think. 9/9/15
None of this is about will power. For God sakes! For some women, they have abusive husbands or husbands who neglect them. Food might be the only form of recreation afforded or affordable for some women. That is a really sad thought. In fact try this little experiment: Pick out some very real (not air brushed female) and pretend that a magical fairy god mother turns you into that type of body. For the virtual reality aspect, look at pictures of yourself when you were that weight and form. Personally I don't want to look like someone else. I want to be my version of that weight. There was a Twilight Zone episode where young women got to choose the type of body they wanted. They stepped into a cellular reorganization machine and came out looking that way. There was a discussion on the lack of diversity. It would be like about 10 Barbie doll choices. How very boring. I love that beauty comes in so many forms. I don't want the anorexia look. I like having some curves. I just want to be lighter on my frame. It hurts my knees and feet to have so much extra weight. So pick a weight that will best serve you. Now be it in your mind. What doors would that open for you socially and economically? Would you be having more fun? In what ways??? What relationships would change? Take some time with this and have fun with this. It might help to narrate a whole story around this new you. Give her a nickname too. Imagine Hollywood is just dying to use your story as the basis for a movie? Who would play you? Interesting. Be your own fairy god mother here.